My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
