tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
