What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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