oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
