so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize