Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
