She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
