I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
