you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So here I am, sexting at work.
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