im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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