Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
