Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
