Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
