It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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