What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
