I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
