Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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