Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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