I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
