my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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