Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
only you would photoshop your dick
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
