she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
