I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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