butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
