At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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