We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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