my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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