sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
