I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How's work?
Spinning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
