i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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