This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
