If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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