she was so not down for the gang bang
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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