i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
