so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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