Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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