Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
