yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
