No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
