How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
