took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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