mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
