He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
