So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
