Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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