I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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