he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
