I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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