I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
