Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
