She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
