I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
