i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
