therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
50% drunk capacity currently
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
