My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she peed on how many people?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
