I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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