1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
