I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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