The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
