my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
