I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
