dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you will always have a special place in my vag
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize