I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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