It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
