guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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