Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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