remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
