Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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