tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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