my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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