You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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