doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
