Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
