he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
