he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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