i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
