i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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