bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
