I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
