More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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