Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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