I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
