Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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