Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
the raccoons are back...
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