i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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