it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
