His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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